The life and thoughts of Nicholas H. McGarvey

happy jus'

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 07:24:53 GMT

sometimes, well right now..i think i need to be more compassionate, like care more about peoples feeligs, past my own interest or ends, jacob halberg i have deduced seems like a compasssionate person..mostly form looking at other peoples perceptions of him. also ive been chewing on Jesus's resurrection. A report on MSNBC makes me think it true, but there is no proof. I guess thats why its called faith, and ni knowladge. Its hard for men of science like ourselves to come to believe in miracles and whatnot.
The vastness of the universe, bugs me out constantly. Its like my brain..a supercomputer so sleek and powerful hits an hourglass, like there isnt enough RAM to process that. Where that shit ends it the part i get stuck on, what holds it [the universe] and who the hell put it there.
Went to hardrock casino with wes and ning ans joseph, fun times abounded, i smoked a cigar indoors which gave me a real kick. Wes lost 10 bucks in like no joke 30 seconds, to lose 40 total..addiction.. this is how gambeling works..nick had a dollar..got 5 quickly..then lost the 5 to 15 cents. FUCK! never quit when your up.
also i never saw one fucking indian, that place is just like the casino in south park. with the indians laughing ha ha ha ha..ha ha ha ha in that indian chant melody.
ning drove like mad man, and joe is a really cool guy, someone i envy for doing alot of things like snorkeling/ scuba diving across the carribean with his buds. And i think he honestly enjoys his job, thats cool.
I really dont know what to so about the compasssion thing, maybe slow down a little, focus on one person..but that isnt me. errr deadend nicholas, better turn the car
"the love you take is equal to the love you make"- the beatles
i could really use some help on this people!

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 14:46:16 GMT

thank you patrick mcmahon for laptop dayz...while in this large prison block known as 1600 riverside, im free as a bird listening to pandora.com...the coolest shit in the world, it plays streaming music of artist or songs like artist of soongs you say you like.
im guna get a detention becasue i wrote global warming was the "bastard child" of greenhouse effect. its only a matter of time before old patty gives me a box on the ears for that one.

and heart of daarkness is a book worth reading.

suburban knight

my brave new warld

Wed, 05 Apr 2006 13:19:12 GMT

its been a long time LJ, im glad to be back [applause, cheeering]

today i exploded on some bitches [ scott hyman and millhauser] for expecting to see my shit for english. Nicolas mcgarvey doesnt stay up till 130 reading jerome's "genius" just so those ingrates can buck my shit. They werent just like vocab words but alot if specific, easy to catch cheeting, ansewers.
So to scott and marisa, fuck you very much.
and btw the last time i got some of their work was ummm.... never.

peace out hoes, tricks, scip scops and shanks, and spades- im out

-suburban knight.

Its been do long since last december

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 06:21:44 GMT

honey is definetely my favorite food. and it is a food, i believe the only one that will alst forever. I just made my favorite food which is a mayonaise peanut butter banana honey sandwich. You take one slice of bread with mayo the other with fresh peanut butter, cut a banana up onto the mayo, and spread honey on top of the butter. It mixes so many different foods in perfect harmony.

Someting that makes me sad is that good things are bad alot of times.

Happiness makes you cry

Sunshine gives u cancer on you skin

French fries which are sooo tasty clog ur heart

and love gives u heartache and dissapointment.

For a long ass time, i mean along time right before i go to sleep i always wish i had someone to hold and just hug before i drift off into a peaceful happy slumber. Until this day such a perfect moment has eluded me. I have come close but it was never as i dreamed it to be. Alot of things in life are overatred. I even think sex with someone is not mindblowingly great unless you love them. It satisfies my hornyness about as much as my ego and a good jacking off will. So somehting i looked foward to for a while also passed by uneventfully like my 16th birthday and my first kiss.

What i really find pleasure in is being with friends. They really give you something for nothing. You can make so many lifelong memories and good times with your friends. Thats why old men are so lonely, because all of their friends are dead or gone. Instead of buying ymself i new camera i reallly felt like i wanted to buy something for a friend. Like an iPod for Wes before his trip. I felt like i owed him so much for all the good times and good things he has taught me. I was like seeing him happy will be worth more than a million picturesi could take with my greedy camera.

I feel like watching american beauty right the fuck this instant. I totlally believe that sometimes there is soo much beauty in the world that i feel like me heart si going to burst. I dont know if i can take it, I feeli like i am oingto explode from the inside. I am listeningto the Plastic bag theme right now and the memories come rushing into my heart like a burst damn. All i want in life is not money sex power but a satisfied mind. As Johnny Cash said the richest man is a pauper at times, compared to the man with the satisfied mind. Being able to be truly happy with your life, through all your victories and failures, good times and bad is probably the single hardest thing to achieve in this universe. Not even immortality is harded than this my friend. Perfect harmony within yourself is the real deal. Right now i feel pretty damn close to it. The song ended, the moments gone like a fart in the wind. Whatever, im listenin to the other amer. Beaut. main song with those funny bum bum bum xylophone sounding things.

today is the first day of the rest of your life, unless ofcouse it is your last. In 2 weeks i'll be dead, but right now im happy.

that guy who played the main dude in this movie, morgan freeman from shawshank redemption, tom hanks from SPR, Ciara Knightly from the Jacket and maybe Natelie Portman from Closer are all my favorite actors from the a fore ment ion ed movies.

I going to go to sleep right now, throw out this pair of contacts, and probably dream about falling asleep embracing a loved one in my arms as i drift off in pure happiness. It will happen someday, maybe tommorow. So until them...keep it righteous

Sincerely,
nicholas h. mcgarvey

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 20:02:02 GMT

ludacris is thumping, have you ever noticed how alot of songs have little or no meaning beyond what sounds cool. Many friends have left town, its a mass exodus away from the black hole which is coral springs. Nobody can save me from the boredom but myself

The Prince of Hallandale

Tue, 12 Jul 2005 07:08:06 GMT

Hello friends family lovers and friends, it is I, Nicholas H. Mcgarvey where the H stands for Heroic. Yes yes it is true, i invented the internet and the condom along with cereal. thank you thank you your very welcome for my girfs. Anyways [pennyways mikhail 2005] I developed a newfound appreciation of this freckin sea slug tina and the lovely alice found today, her name was Joehanna. It was like a foot long sea slug and alice grew quite attached to Joe, she even threw it at me so i would feel its warm love. There was one of those wgite cylindrical buoys that washed up fromt he beach renovation upshore that attracted some attention. It was about 10 feet long on the white part with a heavy lead rope attached to a long metal screw. I think it was alien technologies but keep that between the two of us. But ladies and gentlemen, the real stars of this day was the pod of manatees feeding off my seaweed/algea right in front of my beach. The were the cutiest little bastards with like sea lion heads and bodies the size of refrigerators. It was a sight for sore eyes seeing those lovable seacows wallowing int he sandy flats. Nothing much has changed froma usual day i nthe Prince's life, I am currently about 100 million children lesser as the all die from their father's neglagence int eh toliet bowl, hahah talk about late night crap. Tina is asleep next to me in my fucking room, the yellow room is mine people, she colonized it like the Spaniard bastards took over the Americas, im telling you..if bullshit was electricity, tina would be a freckin powerhouse. Alice showed us some grovvy dances to such classics as Vanilla Ice's one hit wonder and how to do the hustle. Drop it like its hot becomes Shake your booty baby. Sorority boys was very funny and me and tina partaked in its humor. I took sandy out for a long walk down hte parking lot sandbox where she faked pooped on me like a dozen times, i swear that bitch is crazy she loves to be crazy as hell. lol Well my shoulder still hurts form like a workout a long ass time ago and i still love motorcycles more than air. Young Nasty Choppers becomes closer to reality ever single day i am alive and thinking. One thing i have learned lately is that sleep is over rated u can do fine with out much sleep in a pinch. Stay sassy south florida. This is Ron Burgandy im out.

cool thought about killing, yeah thats right i said killinjg

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 06:44:48 GMT

while taking a piss i thought a ARROWS BEING SHOT AT PEOPEL RELA VIOLENCE HAPPENS NOT AS MUCH TODAY NEVE SEE A DED PERSON WERE ALL SOFTEEES
hey amanda leave ur 2 sense to ur slefh

Alright journal, those were my idea to brainstorm with, i hope you happy vivian corll. Anyways first what is on my mind is that i met two reli cool chicks that are totally i mean total freckin opposotes, who are cousins. Felicia who live sin Coconut Creek is wild a tease, fun to talk to, beautiful and witty.
amanda her cuz from Wisconsin is totoally inncocent, slow sorta, lacks street smarts and up until tonight thought all guys were good, well i showed her that aint the case. She caught me talking behind her back with F since they are in the smae house. So i got caught redhanded and she freaked, amanda that is. She was totlal jealous and was like "oh you like ehr cuz shes skinnyer" and tina the jackass pipes in "nick u make girls feel fat" [refering to the lovely not fat alice] So , oh hold on...did i say i have the best choice in music...indie rock YEAH BABY. Well Felicia calls an emergemcy confrence to order on a chatroom after she read Amanda's comments. Well we got it all figured out and straighted things up for everyone. Amanda say how nasty me and felicia were and felicia made the funniest comment to amanda who said something dumb and felicia said "hey amanda leave ur 2 cents to urself" and at the time me and tina cracked up. So amanda saw that we were kidding and everyone was cool with each other. One topic that shook me up was when I got carried away and said to f "i only like ur awesome bod, not you reli" and she took it seriously. Then she threatened to block me and i was like "whoa i was really just kidding, i like to talk to you". And my girl handeled it very elegantly saying "i knew that all along". So that was like a cool scare we had. Felicia is pretty hot, i have her pics like 10 on my computer so just ask me and i'll show you them sometime.

Alright back to my main thought that hit me while i was taking a nice leak. I was wondering if like robin hood shot someone running with na arrow would they blow backwards or die instantly or be like aww shit. I think the later are more true depending where u hit them but that would be crazy to watch like men getting shot with arrows. Also can u imagine what a midevel battle muts have fucking looked like form your eyes. You would see men who are much shorter than us killing each other with axes swords blades and spears mercecilllessly. I* mean it would be crazy to see someone get cut in the throat or the sheer volumes of dying cries for all the wounded. Life was so different back then , peopel loved off the land and traveled by foot only. So I was just pondering how soft we are today as we protect ourselves so much form any fraction of the violence that was common place back then. Like today no one sees a loved one die of small pox or 1/3 people die from the bubonic plague. Thats crazyness. How many peopel today have really seen a dead body or a person die for that [backwards saying] So all in all today we are all softees compared to our ancient ancestors. Back then white peopel stayed white becuase a little barrier called an ocean seperated us and we couldnt easly travel acroos europe to afrika. Nowadays i could fly around the world in a day waht used to take 3 years. Like a 1000 times faster. So we need to stop sometimes and realize just how far the human race, the orgsnism known to himself as homo sapien sapien has evolved under the guilding hand of the Father and His Son and the Holy Ghost, the holy trinity.
Oh yea i hope Jill doesnt read this but she probably will, whatever I really dont give a shit, I liked her when i met her. She seemed cool and mellow and laughed at what i said which is a superficial way of me saying she made me feel good. Anyways I tohught she was a cool person and she doesnt look bad either. Other than that I saw alot of things I wouldnt have expected. Like to Valedictorians goinf wild as serra an her fiend Lea went crazy, like totally apeshit of 2 drinks of some rum and maybe tequilla. My pects particularly the outside of them close to tjhe armpit are killing me. I did some dumbell [bench] presses and i havent recovered for a few days. Its pure crazyness. So this is what has been happening lately, and oh yeah...Nick got laid. And Snajeet Grewal is an awesome kid, i mean straight up a great person who has a heart purer than gold. I felt privladged to be a friend of his and imean it. Also the mungaks have honored me with their friendship. Me and tina are ahppy and doing well with each other and basically... I am happy. Till neck time

Sincerely,

Nicholas H. McGarvey

funniest im convo ever with felicia's crazy cousin...whats your fav color and food

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 06:59:15 GMT

blondebabe082689 [2:50 A.M.]: thats awesome, are you and wes bestfriends?
Kcin00 [2:51 A.M.]: yeah, we've know each other since 3rd grade
blondebabe082689 [2:51 A.M.]: thats very cool
blondebabe082689 [2:53 A.M.]: wes looks like a nice guy?
blondebabe082689 [2:53 A.M.]: *.
Kcin00 [2:54 A.M.]: yeah hes cool,
Kcin00 [2:54 A.M.]: u guys will prob. like him
blondebabe082689 [2:54 A.M.]: yeah
blondebabe082689 [2:55 A.M.]: so what do you like to do for fun?
Kcin00 [2:56 A.M.]: hang out with friends, go out to parties, and go to our condo alot
blondebabe082689 [2:56 A.M.]: thats cool, sounds fun
Kcin00 [2:56 A.M.]: but alot of time i just like to stay at home and chill out, watch tv or listen to music
blondebabe082689 [2:56 A.M.]: same here
blondebabe082689 [2:57 A.M.]: whats your favorite color?
Kcin00 [2:59 A.M.]: idk, blue or like silvery blue
blondebabe082689 [3:00 A.M.]: thats cool mine is blue too
blondebabe082689 [3:00 A.M.]: favorite kind of food?
Kcin00 [3:01 A.M.]: lol, pizza or like subs, what about you

I fucking hate niggers, i see the reason why

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 06:59:18 GMT

I fucking hate niggers, every last one of them, save the handful of decent blacks, I finally see why so many people around the world hate fucking black people the scum of the world. Today I got into a fightr with some niggers and I am furious. Never before have I seen the truth before me so plainly. They have made some fucking powerful enemies, erasing any last shred of doubt that maybe it was society that made them so fucking stupid, but their mother fucking decisions and behaviors, they were like a pack of wild dogs who were out to pick a fight and ruin my mother fucking neighborhood. If niggers are goingto fuck around in a neighborhood like Corla Springs, it is no way society's fault but there mother fucking bad parents, stupid genetics, and wild behaviors, they are really like african animals that are crazed and must be shot in the head after tortured. I would like to find that nigger who sucker punched me and lynch him after dragging him behind my car till his kneecaps are scrapped off. They have indeed made some powerful enimes today showing for once and for all clearly that black people are scum.
This is what happened that showed me in front of God almighty and everyone there how fucked up niggers are which include a majority of black people. Me, tina, harrison, mikhail, matt butchko, and stephanie scalli all went to see the longest Yard which was a good movie portraying black people in a positive light, like every other fucking movie. Anyways we go out side and are waiting for matt to get a ride for about 20 minutes. This spanish girl and a black girl about our age are fighting and the black girl is getting beat the fuck up. After a while it gets bad and me and Brian Bates walk over to the movie box offfice where they are fighting. I having a good time tell them to leave the place, dont fight infront of the movie theatre. I remember Harrison waving over to us in his blue shirt to come see the fight that was taking place. We anyways Bates goes back inside and I tell these black kids and some spanish girls to leave and not to fight here. Well this NWA who is about 16, dreds, black T-shirt, wannabe thug steps up and is like "who you talk to" in nigger talk trying to pick a fight. Well I'm like "all you guys, don;'t fight here" He starts walking ofward to me looking gay ass a fucking pansy and I turn to walk away like i'm outta here. Bad Bad Bad idea, he then follows me out a few steps in front of the box and sucker punches me on my left cheek bone. I couldn't believe he actually hit me! This is the difference between a tough white guy and a nigger. He actually hit me in the face for no reason at all, for telling to without yelling or name calling to fucking walk away and break up their shitty fight. Well as I was walking away to Tribute he blind sided me.This is what Harry said
Kcin00 [1:42 A.M.]: dude harry, didi that kid puch me before i walked out on the street or after
Kcin00 [1:43 A.M.]: he hit me than i walked away right?
Docta Wu 1 [1:45 A.M.]: you were walkin toward the trib
Kcin00 [1:45 A.M.]: yea and hew hit me
Docta Wu 1 [1:45 A.M.]: and he fuckn followed you and blind sied you
Docta Wu 1 [1:45 A.M.]: and you turned aro und and he backed up
Docta Wu 1 [1:45 A.M.]: and then you yelled at him and he walked away
Kcin00 [1:45 A.M.]: then they all got jumpy then right
Docta Wu 1 [1:45 A.M.]: and you called him small dick or smeothing and he kept walkin
Docta Wu 1 [1:45 A.M.]: you scared the shist outa that nigger
Kcin00 [1:45 A.M.]: when did all the lil niggs get jumpy
Kcin00 [1:45 A.M.]: i was gonna beat him to pulp
Docta Wu 1 [1:46 A.M.]: after you scared them
Kcin00 [1:46 A.M.]: i cant believe he hit me
Docta Wu 1 [1:46 A.M.]: hes a fuckin pansy
Kcin00 [1:46 A.M.]: what a nigger to hit someone form behind
Kcin00 [1:47 A.M.]: i hope he does that to someone and gets stabbed

What I saw during this is how eager nigs are to start shit and ruin their lives for the future. I mean who goes to Coral Springs to pick a fight with a white kid, to prove to his nig buddies how tough he is in Coral Springs. Niggers move here thinking that they will get off this fucking black road by going to our schools, moving in our neighborhoods and what they do is bring everything down. Im gonna go into politics to stop this and fucking show the silent majority how gay they are and we need to stop blinding ourselves with this equal no racism BULLSHIT THIS IS MOTHER FUCKING BULLSHIT black peopel arent oppressed they arent discriminated against solely becuase of color, they need some goddamn responsibility for their actions, i hate them because of their actions alone, not color but their color means that they are fucking retards. When this nigger sucker ounched me I was like OMG did he really hit me. Then I turned around butr not want them all to jump me cuz then thats a fucking bad spot and I let out the Tanks' fury, I sreamed my head off wanting to get a whack. Then as typical niggers they got scared and disappeared into the dark to smoke crack or have anal sex, maybe they wanted to eat some fried chicken and watermelons. But what I saw like in slow motion that made me think "ahh fuckin A" was all the little niggers, about 8 of them getting all jumpy and so i thried to go back inside but the door was locked. Thne they moved in and i yelled at them like a possessed man, they knew i was ready to break some skulls and slipped away. Well the fucking cops came after they kept fighting and all coral Springs 1000's of cops are good for is writing tickets, cuz they didnt do shit. Whatever, its about 3 am and my temper has cooled down. Maybe that ounk is just misguided and trying to impress his friends and picked a fight. It wont kill me but i feel dsorry for that idiot. I do blame alot of this on his stupidity and i think it does apply to niggers in general, they are a fucked up inferior people. This is odviously a reaccuring theme throughout history so it must have som truth. This is all I have to say from my mind altering experience3 today. And dont you dare call me a racist until u experience something so fucked up asa kid punching you in the face for no good reason. That is why i hate or dont understand niggers, my next story will be on how gay mal is, ttyl.

I shall Sew A tapestry of my thoughts for man to admire

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 02:07:29 GMT

It has become evident to me that some people in this world are unappreciative of the rich gifts laid upon them for free. Despite the axiom that "nothing comes for free" God has given us the greatest gift of all...free life. Some people in this world don't think that this is enough, that someone wasn't generous enough when they got theirs. You can usually identify these people by their sour attitudes that turn a room rank with disgust and a crappy attitude.

Someone who appears to be one of these bad apples is Olivia Miret, the most fucked up person I personally know in my small sphere of people. She has such a negative dispostion that I just want to beat some sense into her. I can feel her negative vibes like radiation posioning my body with a cancerous concoction. To grasp the magnitude of Olivia's hate for all things good and kind, one must first meet her and observe her shittyness, for lack of a better word. Most people will find joy in being with a friend or accomplishing something meaningful bet she is never satisfied with anything unless it brings symphany heaped upon her, well bitch the well has run dry.

For example, Oliva was a gifted soccer player who squandered her defining talent to my despise. She was one of a handful of freshman on the varsity soccer team but odviously that was not good enough for our olivia. She was ungrateful, always complained about nothing and didn't play with any heart at all. She would simply bitch to me about how she couldn't adapt to the more aggressive style of playing so merely wanted to give it up and say fuck it. Marisa Millhauser a close friend of mine who could see what was happening first hand told of how olivia was NEVER happy playing something many wished they could play. I'm sure there are alot of people who wish they could play soccer the way olivia did and have somehting in their life so wonderful, so promising, so envious. She took something beautiful and killed it with her attitude. I heard on award nights she was the most solem, awkward, ungrateful person there. Now there is something for you to be proud about olivia, i hope your fucking happy you spit in the face of all those fat girls and handicapped kids who wished they could play soccer and be praised for it like you were.

When she comes home with tina, which is more than my liking, she angers me to the point of rage with her pouch poking out and her cold stony eyes and transparent skin. But now any moron could point out what they think is ugly on somebody but this goes deeper like the haye

XxHuRleyGirrLyXx [7:40 P.M.]: Are you a viring
XxHuRleyGirrLyXx [7:40 P.M.]: vigin
XxHuRleyGirrLyXx signed off at 8:38 P.M

man o man is this what girls talk about these days, oh tina hey its me...uhh r u a virgin thats pretty hott as my favorite tv queen says.

Back to olivia the black hole, she will come homw with tina like a cling on and will eat my food, and when im like hay olivia,, she will grunt at me and walk away with the pouch guilding the way. It just looks like she is trying to look depressed, no smile, angry eyes and bad posture. I really dont remember seeing her smile genuinely at something.. More typically for her is to make gay away messages that say something like this" i hope something bad happens in my life os i can experience change, even if it is bad i want it to happen to see how its like" well olive, i bet alot of kids from 9/11 would be more than willing to trade places with you you obtuse bitch. I cannot stand you negativity for one more day. As long as the sun is shining you have nooooo damn reason to act like that and bring other people down with you. Your a wasted life if your not gonna try to at least feel happiness. I hope dearly that you can find a friend in Brad and he shows you the light to happiness. Until then your just an ungrateful little bitch who is no freind of mine. The end -Yours truly nick mcgarvey

"Nick has to court his lady" Mikhail

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 06:24:47 GMT

"Nick has to court his lady" this was what mik said as mik wes tina and myself were settin' right here in the office discussing if we were all going to go to the beach or just myself tina sara deffenbacher and olivia miret. They are always intuned to what im thinking / should do and i didnt even have to ask them if i could go this alone. Thats the result of about 8 years of solid friendship, ever since 3rd grade in the dismal landscape of maplewood elementary, we formed bonds that have proven stronger than the all the years. Mik and i didnt really get along well back in the beginning but now were all equal, wes has his good aspects while mik has his own unique traits also. Like im smarter than to try to talk about girls sexually with mik, thats foreign terriory to him right now. This song im listening to, snuff the rooster has one of the sweetest hooks that has ever graced my ears. " yeah they've come to snuff the rooster."

Wesley and i get along on a more personal level like about deeper things than what lies on the surface, mik is more likly to talk about entertainment than me and wesley since we usually talk about school or any other pressing matters in our life.

Tina gave me a sweet 50 cent coin that she got at the renassiance festival (one big goddman fake) and anyway i liked it and wanted to hold onto it so i bought 50cents off her for a dollar. that got me thinking about how that damn dollar coin they minted a few years ago was a bigger flop than clear soda. It didnt fly so well. The alchemist f/ nina skye "hold you down" is a sick beat also, especially when i heard it for the first time i couldnt get enuff of this shit.

Thank godness i dont have a mother fucking debate tournament tomm, morning where ihfta wake up like at 6 30 am and drive to some school run by jews and liberals for the day so they caan waste my entire saturday. every time i hate going to debate i end up having a good time by meeeting people, more speciffically the hot beaces b/c i dont love anything more than my hot beaches.

Going back to my may point, tomm. i am going to the beach with sara diffenbacher to go tanning and hopefully follow it up with some hott sex. The current plan is that me and sara are going along with tina and olivia to go to the beach and juts relax and chill out. I get along especially well with sara, i always so with girls i havent known like in school, and i dont see any problems or bumps. If all goes as planned we will have a good time together at the beach and i will keep it from getting "dangerously cheesy: lol corny line of the day. But yeah she seemed to like me at soccer, like i guess i have sex appeal, somehtings others lack. Its the SA that gets the girls atleat in the beginning before my commitment fails out and i dont call them or make it fly.

Some one who is a perfect example of no SA (sex appeal) is the huggable Ryan Hearn. He does alot of things right like dresses rwal nice, calls bitches but somehow when it comes down to go time, he dosnt have what it takes to calm the girls' nerves and sink the putt. Thats pretty hypocrytical of me to say b/c i am a virgin as of right now but hopefully it will change. I feel the urge to call sara rigth now amd tell her i want to fuck er' brains out. That might actually be a good idea cionsidering i never really do anything that spontanous wit the opposite sex. So it might be very cool of me to be like hey sra, i wanna be with you...now!

Thats the problem i have, showing my affection to girls in the way i feel about them. Like Dayna, pauls sister, smacked my ass when i was checking in her 14girls soccer team and wanted a hug. shes like lightyears ahead of where i was abck then and probably where most of the pubesant boys in her classes are.

In great news, i heard from Deanna Deaton that her sister, hott sis, Macey is totally in love with me. Macey asked Deanna if i knew her and she said she thought i was cute, dressed nice, and was smart. Sounds like a banging combination to me. Kayla lacked in the hott department sad to say. But i think the way i move and talk and carry myself with a confidence thats says "im the baddest mother fucker around" impresses the ladies. I;m smooth and good looking, i just lack in a few areas like doing somehting once i leave the scene and dont call them up or make things happen. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Marisa Millhauser, one of the hottest girls in school is right at my fingertips but i just cant reach her right now. It like doing the bench press, no matter how hard you oush that weight sometimes you just cant push it any further. The gay part is is that i think we both like each other but its not as simple as you think dumbass, or maybe its just me making all this shit up, anyways today in psychology pachuta was going over how WEcreate all our own tensions and that got me thinking that it is true. So instead of avoiding the root of the problem ( Marisa) i just forget about her on the wekkends instead. But i need to hit the core and get it out of my system. I'll do it like Ron Burgandy "Heres an idea, if you dont like it just send it right back,.."Go out with me marisa.

You shoukd've seen her in class. She did her sideways sitting so i would talk to her but the words got stuck somewhere about the 5th times through my head and she turned back sowards. The n she put her head down deep in thought like i was. I did it with a smile wondering how i can bring this truth out into the open and i think whe was doing something around the smae lines. She told us that she wishes she had a B/F that got her nice things and loved her like any girl wants to be loved. And im the great man that fits that role, she just needs to accept that and i need to ask that, but we arent doing these things and dont want to leave HS with what if: questions in my head. What if i did ask out marisa and she had said yes. This is why i am making a resolve to complete this and find out an answer. I wish so badly to see that great ass all naked and nothing on her huge boobs. I would fuck her gently, savoring every moment, engraining it in my memory in the happy past.

I need to do this before the fire dies down like it has so many times before. Also today i entertained the crazy notion that i might become involved in politics. I would love to be a senator, make my parents happy and really be somwone important to the continuation of our democracy. I am a good speaker, have authority ( a benifit of being tall) and SA, b/c it got kennedy elected prez.

All i want to do is conquer these obstacles and ask out marisa and she what it turns up, i hope love can get us through any differences we may have. I lover her in a way that hopefully we can stick out the hard times becasue "The hard times, they happen. Talk to someone. Someone will care. Someone will listen"-crappy psych poster on the wall. These issues im thinking about right now are what defines the adoesent years, all homone crazy about gilrs and busting our asses to play sports, get good grades and ultimately get ahead by enrolling in our faorite colleg and runnning the rat race till were 65 then retire and die of boredom.

This si the life i have to look foward to and i dont want to have any more missed oppourtunties. Its like soccer reffing, you can make only some many mistakes calling the game ebfore they see who you really are.. a crappy no good ref who is incompetent and doesnt knwo the rules. Thats the feeling i had when i reffed the U19 boys lines, and i didnt like it, i didnt like the taste of defeat on my mouth, just like what is happening to me in chemistry. Well whatever thats all the small stuff and ishouldnt sweat it, except if its a math test, lololo, SS(sweat stains). I got to go journal, its time for me to enter dream land and recharge my battered body. I worked full tilt this week nad now i need to become at peace again, the calm before the storm so to sya. So i bid thee a farewell and hopefully i'll keep writing these entries as long as im inspored and something to write about is in my life. Only i'll be all jacked up like coach santy from football weight training "GET MONEY" thats what there gonna say. TTYL jornal, peace out.

The signs of a storm are visible

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 03:55:38 GMT

Most recent to happen on this day is that Hurricane Francis is pointing a loaded gun at the temple of florida. This could be a major bastard if she decides to strike anywhere near Coral Springs, sadly today we had to dismantle the eternal kid's condo, RIP (1992-2004). Not only was it one well built structure but it was well built by my most special friend, Buddy. He made that for me when I still resisded in Tallahassee and used his own bare hands and built it. When we took off pieces of wood and sides his scratch marks and writing was still all over the wood, it put a very human element into that wooden box, knowing that the last person to screw in those damn screws was Buddy himself. When we topple the structure over onto an overgrown bush, which dad wanted to keep, the heavens cried for the end of Buddy's kid condo. It will be missed.
I feel guilt now for not calling buddy as i promised myself to do as I thought about him out there taking apart his...masterpiece.
Onto my next item of the week, High School at Taravella, 3rd year. I have finally met my match on the gayest math class in recent memory, Calculus AB with Mr. Meier. Hopefully if i stick this out and hold on tight I can make it through the year with some hope of a's and B's. Wesley is the sole motivational force behind me as i ask myself exactly why i bust my ass so hard for this damn course. Mrs. Snyder, who was like a grandma to me, and known me better than probably any other teach henceforth, had faith in me enough to put me in that class. If Mrs. Snyder says i can do it than by God i think i should try.
The signs of a storm are visible, the 8th-9th grade fiasco are sprouting and i must nip them in the bud or i will end up repeating my past costly mistakes. Its been a long way coming to get over that and i have no intention of repeating them.
The problem is that simply put, I am having to much fun in highschool. It starst by me having too good of a time and then in turn I act gay, not homosexual but easly msitake becausew by nature i am a jolly person. I did than in 9th grade when i thought i had so many friends and that i was the coolest kid on the bloc, well then kids sniffed out that i acted like a pussy b/c i was never serious. That got me in a tangle with will mill, billy franzese, adam zito and all those retards. It lasted the entire latter part of 10th grade and wasnt pleasant at all. Anyway, like i said i am starting to act gay again and in the words of wes, "need to check myself". That was my big regret last year, in order to seem tough, i had to klll off that happy part of me inside and clam up a little. Well i hate doing ti but i must, or at least be serious much more, sadly, no more socializing with matt karr about how to light a pipe in old england.
Shit, starting tuesday i am going to be a cooler, more impressive slightly humbled nicholas hall mcgarvey, and hot damn, i plan to be friends with wes mik, paul lazorwitz and nick mize while doing it. And i need a homecoming date. Tuesday i will focus on math but will stick to my new mantra, "We have nothing to fear but fear itaslf."-winston Churchill. Please God help me uphold this promise and try to aviod my past mistakes. I saw with my own eyes that, when ron rose acted happy like i have been doing, bi9lly the retard called him a faggot. That happened to me but i didnt fight back in time.

thank god i have Wes on my side always wtaching my six, peace out

Just thinking,

Mon, 31 May 2004 19:07:10 GMT

Today I have been thinking about some aspects of my life like if I doing a good job with things like I should. If you were to ask me what was on my mind it would be girl problems. Often i think i take the approach of being to strategic like wes said i don't need a strategy for girls but for like Dungeons and Dragons. hehe, anyways today Hannah Lorber, an alright girl with a hot friend keeps being a PITA (pain in the ass) I can tell she likes me and all like keeps im'ing me and wants to do something, hell friday she showed me her bubbler b/c she thinks im into that kinda crap and asked me to smoke with her. I told her i was going to Jacksonville for family and she im'ed me today asking if I was back. I definetly know i could pull something with her like tell her to come over today since DAD's leaving at 5 pm but it just doesn't feel right. Was told me hes gonna call me a pussy until i get some but he is being a friend and giving me that push to go and take actions, like sometimes a kid is to scared to try something new and you have to give that little nudge from behind. Just a forethought, today i cleaned my room/ office and took the stero out from my unused room and put it in the office because this is my chill spot. And alot of times playing songs while on thr computer makes your processor chug. Its working out lovely but i dont know what to do with the T.V. perched precariously on those plastic things. Today is Memorial day 2004, the last day of our four day weekend. You know how i always worry about wasting my life on foolish things like i always feel i have to be doing something or else its wasted and my life will past me by, well this weekend was great. Last week was the big week b/c on Wed we have the first football game TE Nick McGarvey #87 played in!!! Football is a whole nother' topic that would go on for quite some time. Anyways we won against Western HS 32-0! I played as varsity and it was really satisfying to be out there after busting my ass for weeks getting ready for the big day. Needless to say im looking foward to our season starting right after school begins but still wonder if i can get it in along with all my AP classes:( If Jaci Bernstein can do soccer then i can do football! Not only that but i wondered sometimes if i should have been there, was it meant for me or dumasses like Will Mill. One day, i think it was after a good practice i got my answer clear as a sunny sky, i knew this was for me, i loved it and felt so good to release all the weeks pressure working out and making an improvement in your life. The best feeling I've had in a long time was when i made a great play in practice and it felt so good to make everything you worked so hard for come together beautifully. Anyways i told Wes the situation and feelings weren't right and it wasn't meant to happen today with Hannah. And he said i was being a pussy, but i told him i dont think my day has fully risen yet b/c i can kick ass talking to girls i've just met like the beautiful Allie and those girls Eric Freidlander brought to Dan Freins house that one day, like my looks charm and appeal can work miracles on first time people but not when i know people for a while, you build reputations and it keeps me getting a girl like Marissa millhauser at schhol but not at the beach. Also i want my first time to be with someone special and hot, to bad i didnt hit Allie up like a crack pipe. One girl i really want to get to know better is Jerica Rosario, shes hot as fuck but her face is a little ugly and shes popular, also she thinks im a really cool forrball stud and would bang me in a hot minute. Anyways jornal this is all i can tell you right now, my pinkie hurts from typing so much, i may bike to wesleys' now, pray i have a good summer and life, and fly the airplane before buddy gets here...talk to you later, oh and also i took two big poops already today, whoa im full of shit,-